So you're married. Maybe it's been hard. Maybe it's been easy. Probably a mix.
Whether you are in a good spot of a challenging spot, I have good news for you: You and your spouse have the power to win or lose in marriage. Sure stress and life situation (finances, moving, children, etc.) impact us and our marriages but we all know that an awesome partner in the dumps or in the joys of life can make all the difference. As Paul says in Phil 4:12, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." So let us invest in a "15 Minute Marriage Check-up"...
Think back to dating/engagement. What were you most excited for? Why did you want to marry this person? What were your hopes & dreams? What were their hopes and dreams?
If you remember your hopes and dreams, but not theirs, why not? Do you know your partners hope and dreams today?
Talking about hopes and dreams, can be intimidating for the asker and the answerer. Yikes, that's a big deal, can I change my answers?!?!? In my marriage, we regularly connect on a much shorter time frame. It might be a free evening or a Saturday afternoon and I'll ask, "What are your hopes and dreams for today?" Try that for starters.
One last reminder before our 15 minutes is up: ACTIVE LISTENING (a review).
This can be hard, but after a little practice, it can be easy and very rewarding. Here's the key to active listening: you, your opinions, feelings, judgement, thoughts are NOT a part of active listening (they can come later after you are done listening). As Covey says, "Seek first to understand; then to be understood". Think of it like, watching a moving, putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand how they feel. Here's a little practice: "Sharing Your Wish List". Independently write down 2-3 things you wish there were more of or less of in your marriage. Then take turns with the two roles below:
Speakers Role:
1) Share your wish. Start with "I wish..." Ex. I wish we'd go on at least one airplane vacation a year.
2) Share how it would make you feel if your wish came true. Ex. I'd feel refreshed and connected with you.
Listeners Role:
1) Repeat the wish you heard. "So what I hear you saying is..."
2) AND how this would make them feel. "And you would feel ____ if your wish came true"
Note: The practice of active listening can be applied discussing hopes and dreams or in the middle of a heated discussion. USE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!
OK, so if you've read this and it's nothing new and you've got an awesome marriage, GREAT!! Thank God. And thank you for reading. Please share this with someone else and spread the wealth; a co-worker, friend, parent, etc. Thank you.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Thinking About Heaven
Pondering this morning, so I thought I'd share.
Ponder with me...
So how does one plan for heaven and spending eternity with God? What will it be like?
It's hard to imagine because we're such doers here on earth, but after we die, after we're reunited with our maker we will have...
New bodies: no sickness, injury, disease.
No worries about money, time, returning phone calls, catching up with friends, staying out of the rain, eating healthy, holes in jeans, dirty windows, rust & moths, etc.
What will "projects" be like in heaven? I love projects, planning, doing, admiring the finished work and resting. Will I be able to do that in heaven?
What about thinking, pondering, strategizing, planning, creation, art? Will those things have a place in heaven?
Traveling. Now this is one that I imagine we will have in heaven. Maybe that's just because for me, I see God is the splendor of His creation and feel united/at peace with my maker. I haven't been to the Grand Canyon (it's on my bucket list) but I imagine experiences such as "hiking in the Grand Canyon" to be a part of heaven. I also imagine, hanging around the campfires and a good nights rest with a scrumptious breakfast to be part of heaven. We won't need/have to sleep, but as God rested on the 7th day, I believe in heaven we will expend energy and enjoy rest.
I don't have answers to all of these questions, but I think it valuable that we ponder them and spend time thinking about heaven (Col 3:2). In fact, as we ponder this question, let us ponder what Christ taught us: He says (Matt 6:10) that we should pray "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." There are 2 key implications from these words: #1--We can screw it up... #2--We can make it happen... #1 is pretty obvious: We can, by our choices, disobey God (put ourselves first, be selfish, pretend that we are God, etc.). Is #2 equally as obvious? That we CAN obey God completely and spend our lives loving one another (John 13:34-35 & Matt 22:37-40) and make Earth like Heaven? I believe that is true. I think it's valuable to ponder and think about what Heaven will be like and then, obey God and bring that abundant life (John 10:10) here as much as we can!
Your thoughts?
PS Here's one stop on my Grand Canyon trip. :)
Ponder with me...
So how does one plan for heaven and spending eternity with God? What will it be like?
It's hard to imagine because we're such doers here on earth, but after we die, after we're reunited with our maker we will have...
New bodies: no sickness, injury, disease.
No worries about money, time, returning phone calls, catching up with friends, staying out of the rain, eating healthy, holes in jeans, dirty windows, rust & moths, etc.
What will "projects" be like in heaven? I love projects, planning, doing, admiring the finished work and resting. Will I be able to do that in heaven?
What about thinking, pondering, strategizing, planning, creation, art? Will those things have a place in heaven?
Traveling. Now this is one that I imagine we will have in heaven. Maybe that's just because for me, I see God is the splendor of His creation and feel united/at peace with my maker. I haven't been to the Grand Canyon (it's on my bucket list) but I imagine experiences such as "hiking in the Grand Canyon" to be a part of heaven. I also imagine, hanging around the campfires and a good nights rest with a scrumptious breakfast to be part of heaven. We won't need/have to sleep, but as God rested on the 7th day, I believe in heaven we will expend energy and enjoy rest.
I don't have answers to all of these questions, but I think it valuable that we ponder them and spend time thinking about heaven (Col 3:2). In fact, as we ponder this question, let us ponder what Christ taught us: He says (Matt 6:10) that we should pray "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven." There are 2 key implications from these words: #1--We can screw it up... #2--We can make it happen... #1 is pretty obvious: We can, by our choices, disobey God (put ourselves first, be selfish, pretend that we are God, etc.). Is #2 equally as obvious? That we CAN obey God completely and spend our lives loving one another (John 13:34-35 & Matt 22:37-40) and make Earth like Heaven? I believe that is true. I think it's valuable to ponder and think about what Heaven will be like and then, obey God and bring that abundant life (John 10:10) here as much as we can!
Your thoughts?
PS Here's one stop on my Grand Canyon trip. :)
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
On Contentment...
Contentment, an interesting and relative topic. Come, let us ponder...
What makes one more or less content? Paul writes in Phil 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." What is the secret that Paul has learned? The answer might be in Phil 3:8, but for the sake of pondering and thinking, I will continue...
Let's start with the definitions...
Contentment (n): a state of happiness and satisfaction
Content (adj): in a state of peaceful happiness
Is being content a function of external factors or an internal decision that we make make (possibly driven by the feelings/emotions)? I've heard that "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it" and if that's true, then I'd say we have the power to make the decision. This may be easier said than done...
So when we are not content, what is really going on? Media, society, our neighbors, friend or coworkers are sending the message, "you will be happier if you..." "You can't be happy/satisfied with...". Media is quite direct because they do not want you to be satisfied, but to go out and buy their product or service so you can be happy and satisfied. Others, often send the message unintentionally which further supports the fact that it's our choice how we react/respond to the message. Often we take it at face value and agree, quickly forfeiting our peace and satisfaction. Is it worth it? Did we count the cost? In return we get want, motivation for more, etc. (not a good trade in my opinion). What if we could celebrate and be genuinely happy for them. Be inquisitive and interested not in the vein of learning so you can achieve too, but just out of interest and excitement for your friends happy windfall or experience.
So here's a few questions to ponder and think about...
1) Am I content? Why or why not? What impacts my contentment level? In what areas am content? ln what areas am I not content?
2) Review these areas with the perspectives above. Any changes?
3) How might you change or do things differently going forward.
Disclaimer: Being content, does not mean that you don't give 110% and work hard to achieve goals. Do not use "I'm content" as an excuse for laziness.
What makes one more or less content? Paul writes in Phil 4:12 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." What is the secret that Paul has learned? The answer might be in Phil 3:8, but for the sake of pondering and thinking, I will continue...
Let's start with the definitions...
Contentment (n): a state of happiness and satisfaction
Content (adj): in a state of peaceful happiness
Is being content a function of external factors or an internal decision that we make make (possibly driven by the feelings/emotions)? I've heard that "life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it" and if that's true, then I'd say we have the power to make the decision. This may be easier said than done...
So when we are not content, what is really going on? Media, society, our neighbors, friend or coworkers are sending the message, "you will be happier if you..." "You can't be happy/satisfied with...". Media is quite direct because they do not want you to be satisfied, but to go out and buy their product or service so you can be happy and satisfied. Others, often send the message unintentionally which further supports the fact that it's our choice how we react/respond to the message. Often we take it at face value and agree, quickly forfeiting our peace and satisfaction. Is it worth it? Did we count the cost? In return we get want, motivation for more, etc. (not a good trade in my opinion). What if we could celebrate and be genuinely happy for them. Be inquisitive and interested not in the vein of learning so you can achieve too, but just out of interest and excitement for your friends happy windfall or experience.
So here's a few questions to ponder and think about...
1) Am I content? Why or why not? What impacts my contentment level? In what areas am content? ln what areas am I not content?
2) Review these areas with the perspectives above. Any changes?
3) How might you change or do things differently going forward.
Disclaimer: Being content, does not mean that you don't give 110% and work hard to achieve goals. Do not use "I'm content" as an excuse for laziness.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Make Every Effort (Spiritual Growth)
Hello Readers!
I know it's been a long time, so to get started again, I'm going to re-iterate a great sermon I heard recently. This will be a recap and a few nuggets/challenges. If you want the full version, it's available on-line http://www.extendgrace.org/ or you can read 2 Peter 1:1-11 Link to Bible Gateway.
Spiritual Growth
To recap the text, Peter is writing to believers who share "the same precious faith" and the main message is to "make every effort" (vs 5) to grow in our faith. We really have a choice: A) we can grow (progress) or B) we can remain the same. Verses 5-8 describes choice "A" which results in "the more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful..." Verse 9 is the other choice ("B"): "those who fail...are blind or, at least, very shortsighted. They have already forgotten that God has cleansed them from their old life of sin." Verses 10-11 recaps "A" and the amazing blessing for choosing "A" (I'll let you read it for yourself ;))
So what's the takeaway? Like so much of life, it's about choices and we reap what we sow, so let's "make every effort".
One potent example is getting fed: How many of us have ever said, "I'm not getting fed" or "I need to get fed"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we feed babies? Shouldn't we be self-feeding by now? see 1 Cor 3:1-3
So how do we self feed and grow in our faith? The answer is simple (but that does not mean that it is easy): "make every effort". Things that we water, will grow. Are you watering and feeding your growth or are you staying the same? Start with something small, then add to it. Much like an athlete preparing for a marathon who typically starts with a 5K, then maybe a 10K and a half marathon. Like life, this isn't a splash in the pan, but will be hard and take discipline so don't expect it to be easy :) However the reward is priceless (see vs. 8 & 11 above).
Here are some of my favorite verses on "making every effort":
Heb 12:1 - Run with endurance the race God has set before us.
1 Cor 9:24-26 - All athletes are disciplined in their training.
2 Tim 2:4-5 - Soldiers don't get tied up in the affairs of civilian life.
Lastly, I will leave you with this: "OK, I get it, but how exactly do I do it?" That, my friend, is between you and God. The goal is to be walking in step with God, to know His truths for you and how He can use you in your brief life here on earth (see Micah 6:8). My answer to this is to invest time with God (sit & think, pray, read, etc.) and invest time with people (living life, loving one another). Make every effort.
I know it's been a long time, so to get started again, I'm going to re-iterate a great sermon I heard recently. This will be a recap and a few nuggets/challenges. If you want the full version, it's available on-line http://www.extendgrace.org/ or you can read 2 Peter 1:1-11 Link to Bible Gateway.
Spiritual Growth
To recap the text, Peter is writing to believers who share "the same precious faith" and the main message is to "make every effort" (vs 5) to grow in our faith. We really have a choice: A) we can grow (progress) or B) we can remain the same. Verses 5-8 describes choice "A" which results in "the more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful..." Verse 9 is the other choice ("B"): "those who fail...are blind or, at least, very shortsighted. They have already forgotten that God has cleansed them from their old life of sin." Verses 10-11 recaps "A" and the amazing blessing for choosing "A" (I'll let you read it for yourself ;))
So what's the takeaway? Like so much of life, it's about choices and we reap what we sow, so let's "make every effort".
One potent example is getting fed: How many of us have ever said, "I'm not getting fed" or "I need to get fed"? Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we feed babies? Shouldn't we be self-feeding by now? see 1 Cor 3:1-3
So how do we self feed and grow in our faith? The answer is simple (but that does not mean that it is easy): "make every effort". Things that we water, will grow. Are you watering and feeding your growth or are you staying the same? Start with something small, then add to it. Much like an athlete preparing for a marathon who typically starts with a 5K, then maybe a 10K and a half marathon. Like life, this isn't a splash in the pan, but will be hard and take discipline so don't expect it to be easy :) However the reward is priceless (see vs. 8 & 11 above).
Here are some of my favorite verses on "making every effort":
Heb 12:1 - Run with endurance the race God has set before us.
1 Cor 9:24-26 - All athletes are disciplined in their training.
2 Tim 2:4-5 - Soldiers don't get tied up in the affairs of civilian life.
Lastly, I will leave you with this: "OK, I get it, but how exactly do I do it?" That, my friend, is between you and God. The goal is to be walking in step with God, to know His truths for you and how He can use you in your brief life here on earth (see Micah 6:8). My answer to this is to invest time with God (sit & think, pray, read, etc.) and invest time with people (living life, loving one another). Make every effort.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Heaven
There is a Heaven which is much greater than the sum of all that we know, feel & experience here on earth.
Mind boggling, I know.
I haven't blogged in awhile I know, but I recently (yesterday) got all fired up on the topic of Heaven. I am on vacation (highly recommended) and yesterday's daily devotion was on the topic of Heaven so I wanted to ramble on a bit, ponder & think.
As often is the case, I'll start with the main point (see bold above). Given this I want to study Heaven, think about Heaven, talk about Heaven and bring Heaven into this world (see Matt 6:10). Why? Because I want to live my short life on this blue planet with the perspective of my true home and eternal perspective even though I don't get it. I don't get Heaven. I've never been to Heaven. Never seen pictures of Heaven. And, as I said above... "Mind boggling, I know." But even though that is the case, I still want to live my short life full of purpose, joy, freedom & grace, knowing that my life is but a vapor that will be on this blue planet for a short time, but with God in Heaven for longer than my mind can comprehend.
I've read a couple books about Heaven which I highly recommend: 1) "The Great Divorce" by C. S. Lewis and 2) "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard (& "Mountains of Spices", the 2nd book). I may comment on these later, but for now, a book I haven't read: "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn is one I'm looking into (see 2nd bold text above).
I'm going to end this brief entry with a few snippets from the introduction of the book "Heaven"...
John 14:1-3 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
Since the dawn of humankind, there has always been death and a preoccupation with eternity or the afterlife. Fortunately Christians not only know that we will live for eternity, but we know where. We are destined (created) to live in this place so we should be obligated to know about it, how it will be and live now as secure residents of Heaven.
Cyprian (an early church father ~300AD) said "Let us greet the day which assigns each of us to his own home, which snatches us from this place and sets us free from the snares of the world and restores us to paradise and the kingdom. Anyone who has been in foreign lands longs to return to his own native land... We regard paradise as our native land."
Ponder.
Think.
Comment, if you'd like.
Mind boggling, I know.
I haven't blogged in awhile I know, but I recently (yesterday) got all fired up on the topic of Heaven. I am on vacation (highly recommended) and yesterday's daily devotion was on the topic of Heaven so I wanted to ramble on a bit, ponder & think.
As often is the case, I'll start with the main point (see bold above). Given this I want to study Heaven, think about Heaven, talk about Heaven and bring Heaven into this world (see Matt 6:10). Why? Because I want to live my short life on this blue planet with the perspective of my true home and eternal perspective even though I don't get it. I don't get Heaven. I've never been to Heaven. Never seen pictures of Heaven. And, as I said above... "Mind boggling, I know." But even though that is the case, I still want to live my short life full of purpose, joy, freedom & grace, knowing that my life is but a vapor that will be on this blue planet for a short time, but with God in Heaven for longer than my mind can comprehend.
I've read a couple books about Heaven which I highly recommend: 1) "The Great Divorce" by C. S. Lewis and 2) "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard (& "Mountains of Spices", the 2nd book). I may comment on these later, but for now, a book I haven't read: "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn is one I'm looking into (see 2nd bold text above).
I'm going to end this brief entry with a few snippets from the introduction of the book "Heaven"...
John 14:1-3 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
Since the dawn of humankind, there has always been death and a preoccupation with eternity or the afterlife. Fortunately Christians not only know that we will live for eternity, but we know where. We are destined (created) to live in this place so we should be obligated to know about it, how it will be and live now as secure residents of Heaven.
Cyprian (an early church father ~300AD) said "Let us greet the day which assigns each of us to his own home, which snatches us from this place and sets us free from the snares of the world and restores us to paradise and the kingdom. Anyone who has been in foreign lands longs to return to his own native land... We regard paradise as our native land."
Ponder.
Think.
Comment, if you'd like.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
A Brief Thought
Cease striving. Be still and know that I am God (Ps 46:10).
For those of you that know me, you know how busy and full I pack my life. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there's little "margin time" if you know what I mean. Funny being as how "margin time" (unscheduled time, where I'm not running to the next thing) is one of my favorite times. This is probably a symptom of a too full life.
Picture your favorite drink being poured for you and the server intentionally pours 5 glasses worth into your glass. More is not always better.
You may not have time for this (pun intended) but I googled "margin time sermon"... Several hits. Here's a link to one... http://dashhouse.com/sermons/2000/9/17/building-margin-into-your-life.html
I'll end with an excerpt (emphasis added)...
Less productivity - It's ironic, but marginless living
results in reduced productivity. The harder we work, sometimes the less we get
done. Proverbs 21:5 says, "Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity,
but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty." Hasty shortcuts can slow you down.
It can make you feel like "the faster I go, the more behind I get."
This is counter-intuitive, but most of us would get more done if we slowed
down. We would be more focused. We would have more time for what matters most.
Proverbs 19:2 says, "A person who moves too quickly may go the wrong
way."
See also my blog post "never enough time" from 4/3/11
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Ephesians
Hello faithful readers and welcome to my next entry!!
As you may know, I've been trying to get up early more consistently in 2014 and I'm not making any promises, but so far it's been good. I read Ephesians today!
So a note on "reading the Bible". Yep, I said it, there it is. Reading the Bible, like any spiritual discipline likely has some baggage attached to it. Christians say you should read your Bible, go to church, pray, the list goes on. I only l say this to acknowledge that I know it's not that easy to read the Bible. I get it, but that being said, I think Ephesians is a good short letter mostly full of the good news with a few other things. All in all, a fairly digestible letter (only 6 chapters). Allow me to summarize what I got out of it today and that will close this entry.
The primary message of this letter is two fold: 1) Know, understand, realize, remember your place as a child in God's family. 2) Lead your life from that place. You are on God's team, He's given you a jersey, so follow in Christ's example and wear it as a dearly loved child of God.
That's really it, I could (and maybe should) stop, but I got a few more notes/specifics. If you're interested keep reading, if you don't have the time re-read the highlight above and ponder ;)
Ch 1: This letter is written to the peeps of faith, those that believe, God's people (good to keep in mind as we read the letter).
Ch 2: Paul reminds us were we were (far from God, chasing the desires of the flesh) and where God has brought us (into His family, His will, His purpose, His calling, His grace, His peace). Paul also reminds the reader that God's plan is for everyone in equal share (the Jew and the Gentile alike).
Ch 3: One family and endless treasures from God (not earthly, but where the earth and our lives intersect. See John 10:10).
Ch 4: Some ways to lead our life in Gods family (point 2 from the highlight above): humble, gentle, patient, loving, united, full of peace. We each have unique gifts from God. Use them for God. Quit following your old nature, but life life from your new nature. Tell your neighbor the truth, we are all one family. Encourage others with your words. Kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.
Ch 5: Follow Christ's example. In every situation, answer from WWJD? Shine the light of Christ. Thankful to God. Be careful and intentional in how you live. Make the MOST of every day living life to the fullest (joy, peace patience, etc.). Don't waste one day, make every one count.
Ch 6: Work hard for your boss as if you are working for God. Stay alert and pray for Christians everywhere.
That's it! Thanks for reading. I pray that your are encouraged by my words.
Let me know what you think and enjoy the day (don't forget who you are).
As you may know, I've been trying to get up early more consistently in 2014 and I'm not making any promises, but so far it's been good. I read Ephesians today!
So a note on "reading the Bible". Yep, I said it, there it is. Reading the Bible, like any spiritual discipline likely has some baggage attached to it. Christians say you should read your Bible, go to church, pray, the list goes on. I only l say this to acknowledge that I know it's not that easy to read the Bible. I get it, but that being said, I think Ephesians is a good short letter mostly full of the good news with a few other things. All in all, a fairly digestible letter (only 6 chapters). Allow me to summarize what I got out of it today and that will close this entry.
The primary message of this letter is two fold: 1) Know, understand, realize, remember your place as a child in God's family. 2) Lead your life from that place. You are on God's team, He's given you a jersey, so follow in Christ's example and wear it as a dearly loved child of God.
That's really it, I could (and maybe should) stop, but I got a few more notes/specifics. If you're interested keep reading, if you don't have the time re-read the highlight above and ponder ;)
Ch 1: This letter is written to the peeps of faith, those that believe, God's people (good to keep in mind as we read the letter).
Ch 2: Paul reminds us were we were (far from God, chasing the desires of the flesh) and where God has brought us (into His family, His will, His purpose, His calling, His grace, His peace). Paul also reminds the reader that God's plan is for everyone in equal share (the Jew and the Gentile alike).
Ch 3: One family and endless treasures from God (not earthly, but where the earth and our lives intersect. See John 10:10).
Ch 4: Some ways to lead our life in Gods family (point 2 from the highlight above): humble, gentle, patient, loving, united, full of peace. We each have unique gifts from God. Use them for God. Quit following your old nature, but life life from your new nature. Tell your neighbor the truth, we are all one family. Encourage others with your words. Kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.
Ch 5: Follow Christ's example. In every situation, answer from WWJD? Shine the light of Christ. Thankful to God. Be careful and intentional in how you live. Make the MOST of every day living life to the fullest (joy, peace patience, etc.). Don't waste one day, make every one count.
Ch 6: Work hard for your boss as if you are working for God. Stay alert and pray for Christians everywhere.
That's it! Thanks for reading. I pray that your are encouraged by my words.
Let me know what you think and enjoy the day (don't forget who you are).
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