15 Minute Marriage Check-up

So you're married.  Maybe it's been hard.  Maybe it's been easy.  Probably a mix.
Whether you are in a good spot of a challenging spot, I have good news for you:  You and your spouse have the power to win or lose in marriage.  Sure stress and life situation (finances, moving, children, etc.) impact us and our marriages but we all know that an awesome partner in the dumps or in the joys of life can make all the difference.  As Paul says in Phil 4:12, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation."  So let us invest in a "15 Minute Marriage Check-up"...

Think back to dating/engagement.  What were you most excited for?  Why did you want to marry this person?  What were your hopes & dreams?  What were their hopes and dreams?
If you remember your hopes and dreams, but not theirs, why not?  Do you know your partners hope and dreams today?  

Talking about hopes and dreams, can be intimidating for the asker and the answerer.  Yikes, that's a big deal, can I change my answers?!?!?  In my marriage, we regularly connect on a much shorter time frame.  It might be a free evening or a Saturday afternoon and I'll ask, "What are your hopes and dreams for today?"  Try that for starters.

One last reminder before our 15 minutes is up:  ACTIVE LISTENING (a review).
This can be hard, but after a little practice, it can be easy and very rewarding.  Here's the key to active listening:  you, your opinions, feelings, judgement, thoughts are NOT a part of active listening (they can come later after you are done listening).  As Covey says, "Seek first to understand; then to be understood".  Think of it like, watching a moving, putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand how they feel.  Here's a little practice:  "Sharing Your Wish List".  Independently write down 2-3 things you wish there were more of or less of in your marriage.  Then take turns with the two roles below:

Speakers Role:
1) Share your wish.  Start with "I wish..."  Ex.  I wish we'd go on at least one airplane vacation a year.
2) Share how it would make you feel if your wish came true.  Ex. I'd feel refreshed and connected with you.  

Listeners Role:
1) Repeat the wish you heard.  "So what I hear you saying is..."
2) AND how this would make them feel.  "And you would feel ____ if your wish came true"

Note:  The practice of active listening can be applied discussing hopes and dreams or in the middle of a heated discussion.  USE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!

OK, so if you've read this and it's nothing new and you've got an awesome marriage, GREAT!!  Thank God.  And thank you for reading.  Please share this with someone else and spread the wealth; a co-worker, friend, parent, etc.  Thank you.

Thinking About Heaven

Pondering this morning, so I thought I'd share.
Ponder with me...

So how does one plan for heaven and spending eternity with God?  What will it be like?

It's hard to imagine because we're such doers here on earth, but after we die, after we're reunited with our maker we will have...

New bodies:  no sickness, injury, disease.
No worries about money, time, returning phone calls, catching up with friends, staying out of the rain, eating healthy, holes in jeans, dirty windows, rust & moths, etc.

What will "projects" be like in heaven?  I love projects, planning, doing, admiring the finished work and resting.  Will I be able to do that in heaven?

What about thinking, pondering, strategizing, planning, creation, art?  Will those things have a place in heaven?

Traveling.  Now this is one that I imagine we will have in heaven.  Maybe that's just because for me, I see God is the splendor of His creation and feel united/at peace with my maker.  I haven't been to the Grand Canyon (it's on my bucket list) but I imagine experiences such as "hiking in the Grand Canyon" to be a part of heaven.  I also imagine, hanging around the campfires and a good nights rest with a scrumptious breakfast to be part of heaven.  We won't need/have to sleep, but as God rested on the 7th day, I believe in heaven we will expend energy and enjoy rest.

I don't have answers to all of these questions, but I think it valuable that we ponder them and spend time thinking about heaven (Col 3:2).  In fact, as we ponder this question, let us ponder what Christ taught us:  He says (Matt 6:10) that we should pray "Your kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven."  There are 2 key implications from these words:  #1--We can screw it up...  #2--We can make it happen...  #1 is pretty obvious:  We can, by our choices, disobey God (put ourselves first, be selfish, pretend that we are God, etc.).   Is #2 equally as obvious?  That we CAN obey God completely and spend our lives loving one another (John 13:34-35 & Matt 22:37-40) and make Earth like Heaven?  I believe that is true.  I think it's valuable to ponder and think about what Heaven will be like and then, obey God and bring that abundant life (John 10:10) here as much as we can!

Your thoughts?

PS  Here's one stop on my Grand Canyon trip.  :)