I'll be "home" for Christmas?

Will you be "home" for Christmas?  This word "home", where is it anyway?  How do we get there?  Should we stay there?  I've heard "home is where the heart is".  Is that true?  Where is your "home"?

I'm going to define "home" as  that comfortable, safe place.  Where we are content, we have perspective.  Home is where you are accepted, just as you are.  No striving, just peace.  You may not have everything you want (or think you need) but you are content.  In fact, home to you might be a place of thankfulness. 

Now that we have a definition, let me ask:  When was the last time you were home?  When were you last in that place of peace?  How long did you stay?  What was it that took you away from "home"?

For me, places where I'm home include with my wife, in my home office or in the outdoors.  Another "home" for me is when I pause, take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  It's amazing the perspective I can regain by taking a 15-20 second break.  Another place where I'm home is blogging.  When I take time to think, reflect, process & share.  Yep, I'm home right now.  (smile)

What places are "home" to you? 

In contrast, what places are less homelike?  Where or when are you when it is less homelike?

What do we do (or not do) to be and stay home?  Where do we go (physically or emotionally) or not go to stay "home"?

More questions than words in today's Blog.  I'll leave you with this closing thought...

STAY HOME.  BRING HOME WITH YOU.  GIVE YOUR HOME AWAY. 

Yes, stay home, keep your self in that place.  Bring that place with you everywhere you go and give away your home, your peace, contentment, thanks, acceptance.  You may find that you have a VERY BIG home indeed. 

Additional Reading:  Col 3:1-4  Set your mind on the things and priorities above, where your true home is.  Matt 6:10  May your Kingdom come, here on earth, in my life, work, relationships.  Home is big.  Very very BIG. 

Application:  The holidays are coming up.  Right around the corner.  Sometimes homecoming can be stressful or anxious.  Try to bring your home with you and keep it and share it. 

The Big Questions

Let's tackle the big questions today:
1) Who is God?
2) Who are you?
3) What does God want from you?

(yes, this may be redundant, but worth a reminder read either way)

1) Who is God?  Well, my understanding is that God created everything (creator) and God is perfect.  I think that's enough for now.

2) Who am I?  Well, I'm mortal, moody, emotional, irrational (at times) and POWERFUL.  I have the power to create (and to destroy), the power to build up (and tear down).  I was built in the image of my creator (which could be a whole study in and of itself).  And this POWER to create/destroy can be used EVERYWHERE such as work, home, grocery, etc.  The POWER is more important (and also most powerful) in our close relationships (spouse, parent, child & close friends). 

3) What does God want from you?  I'd say first and foremost that we know God and we know who we are (see questions 1 & 2).  We could stop here since it all comes from here, but we'll go on just a bit...
   From 1 & 2, I think God wants us to forget the mistakes of our past and move on into the future (not making mistakes again) and live life to the fullest (full of purpose & intention).  Jesus' ministry on earth as a man was only 3 years and I think God wants us to continue that ministry.  I think God wants us to give 100% of ourselves, our lives, our jobs, our time, our money to God's values and priorities which are to love God & neighbor (Matt 22:37-39) and to look after widows & orphans (Jam 1:27).  God summarizes what is required in Micah 6:8  "do justly, love mercy & walk humbly with God". 
   I'll end with an excerpt from C. S. Lewis.  This is good stuff!

(from his book "Mere Christianity" Book IV Chapter 8)

The Cost of Discipleship
   The ordinary idea which we all have before we become Christians is this.  We take as a starting point our ordinary self with its various desires and interests.  We then admit that something else--call it "morality" or "decent behaviour" or "the good of society"--has claims on this self; claims which interfere with its own desires.  What we mean by "being good" is giving in to those claims.  Some of the things the ordinary self wanted to do turn out to be what we call "wrong":  well, we must give them up.  Other things which the self did not want to do, turn out to be what we call "right": well, we shall have to do them.  Be we are hoping all the time that when all the demands have been met, the poor natural self will still have some chance, and some time, to get on with its own life and do what it likes.  In fact, we are very like an honest man paying his taxes.  He pays them all right, but he does hope that there will be enough left over for him to live on.  Because we are still taking our natural self as the staring point.
     As long as we are thinking that way, one of the other of two results is likely to follow.  Either we give up trying to be good, or else we become very unhappy indeed, for, make no mistake:  if you are really going to try to meet all the demands made on the natural self, it will not have enough left over to live on.  The more you obey your conscious, the more your conscience will demand of you.  And your natural self, which is thus being starved and hampered and worried at every turn, will get angrier and angrier.  In the end you will either give up trying to be good or else become one of those people who, as they say, "live for others" but in a discontented, grumbling way--always wondering why the others do not notice it more, and always making a martyr of yourself.  And once you have become that you will be a far greater pest to anyone who has to live with you than you would have been if you had remained frankly selfish. 
     The Christian way is different:  harder, and easier.  Christ says, "Give me All.  I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work; I want You.  I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it.  No half-measures are any good.  I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there.  I want to have the whole tree down.  I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out.  Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked--the whole outfit.  I will give you a new self instead.  In fact, I will give you Myself; my own will shall become yours."


Think about it. 
Thanks for reading. 

Our Image of God

Our image of God.  We all have one.  Today we will look at it, what it does, where it comes from and, of course, what we should do with it. 

We all have one.  From Billy Graham to Marilyn Manson, every single person on this planet thinks something about God.  Could be that there is no God (the atheist position) or maybe there is…

Everyone has an image of God (or that there is no God) (see Rom 1:19) and it significantly impacts every life choice that we make. 

Examples (a very small sample):

Atheist:  Since there is no God, these people often fill the gap with a purpose.  Could be good (helping the widow/orphan) or bad (self indulgence in the American dream).  Typically people in this group can be as zealous as anyone, but the “why” behind it can widely vary (see discussion questions below on “where/when” our image of God came from). 

Christian:  God created everything; is perfect and I am not perfect.  I have a tough time accepting grace because it doesn’t add up (not rational).  I waver between peaceful acceptance and guilt from my own imperfection. 

It’s pretty easy to see how our image of God impacts our life decisions big and small.  Here’s a deep thought on this which we may explore another day:  Did you know that you reflect your relationship with God to your relationships with others?  Let’s go on this quick and substantial tangent…  If you are in a place of peace and acceptance of God’s grace and others fail you, hurt you or let you down, you will respond with grace and forgiveness.  To the degree that you judge/condemn yourself you will judge/condemn others.  The linkage could not be more direct and when operating correctly we are building the kingdom (spreading God’s grace, truth, love, etc.) and when we judge/condemn we are not (nuff said).  See also Rom 12:18. 

So we all have an image of God, it has direct impact on all of our choices so it’s FRIGEN IMPORTANT! 

So, let’s get into a few discussion questions:

Q1:  What is your image of God?  If God were to ring your doorbell and want to spend some time with you, what would it be like?  Does He have a list of what you’ve done in the past week, month, years and he wants to review it with you OR is He overjoyed that He caught you at home and beamingly looking at you with the affectionate eyes of a proud creator?  There’s a stark contrast between these two examples.  Maybe it’s no surprise that He showed up at your door because you’ve been with Him all day?  Take some time and think about your answer:  What is your current image of God?  How do you see Him?  How does He see you? 

Q2:  When and where did you form your image of God?  How does it or has it changed over the years?  This is a good reflective introspective question.  As the therapist asks, “tell me about your childhood” it can be very useful to study our past and what events and experiences lead us to believe and think the things we do and the way we do.  Consider yourself an archaeologist and study the past, specifically your past.  From the place you are now, are the lessons learned (subconsciously) the right lessons that you want to keep applying now (consciously or subconsciously)?  Think about it. 

Q3:  How is your current image of God impacting your life choices?  The big, the small, the conscious, the subconscious. 

Moving on.  Let’s spend a little time on correcting or re-calibrating our image of God.  We did a little of that in Q2 above, but there’s more than just that.  I see three main sources:  1. The Bible.  2.  Community  3.  From within. 

1.The Bible is one of my main sources of truth.  It says in Col 1:15 that He (Christ) is the image of the invisible God (pretty dang relevant to our topic today).  Yeah, it can be hard to have an image of God especially when He’s invisible, omnipresent, etc.  Fortunately we have a plethora of tangible images from Christ’s time on earth in human form (see Matthew, Mark, Luke & John).  Check em out!

2. Community is another key source of truth and perspective for me.  It’s hard to describe and quantify the value of thinking intentional people in my life.  Sometimes I try to limit my friends and hear only what I want to hear.  Fortunately, if I shut up long enough, my wild card friends can open my mind to things I would have never thought of.  Most importantly, in the community area, is accountability and challenging each other to think it through and live intentionally by God’s values, not the world’s (Rom 12:2) in every area of life. 

3. From within:  We are created in God’s image (Gen 1:27) and he wants us to know Him (1 Tim 2:4).  He’s planted the seed within us and from our desire (Rom 12:2) we can choose to water that seed (1 Cor 3:12-13).  God has prepared things in advance for us to do (Eph 2:10) so let’s make sure we’re calibrated so that we can do those things (insert smile here). 

HOW TO:  How do we correct and re-calibrate our image of God?  The answer is simple:  Continually.  We are sinners living in a sin filled world so we gotta keep correcting our course and keeping it on track (Psalm 23:3, James 1:27, 2 Tim 2:4-6). 

So, in conclusion, my hope, key takeaways…  We all have an image of God which significantly impacts our life choices so it’s important to get it right. 

THANKS FOR READING!!!!

End note 1:  A good friend once told me that he didn’t want to serve the God he created or the one that felt right.  He was compelled to serve the true God (Jer 10:10) no matter what he looked like or what I thought of Him.  (thankfully He is good (Ps. 34:8))

End note 2:  The title of this is interesting “our image of God” because really, how silly is that?  Who do we think we are?!  The potter or the clay?  Funny how we tend to get that reversed and put ourselves on the throne and judge God rather than seeing ourselves as we are, the created and affectionately loved by the creator. 

Vision

Just had a Birthday.  I’m also reflecting on my first year of marriage. 

Long story short:  Life is good. 

So anyway, to the topic:  VISION

Why?  Without vision, purpose, a higher calling, what are we here for?  Unlike rabbits and hawks, there’s more to our life.  We have more potential, so I’m setting out to define my vision (and in this case, me = we since I’m now married.  We’ll see what my other half thinks later.)

Another important reason to have vision is without it, we can chase so many things.  Vision can ground us so that the minute and mundane are building blocks to the profound (they didn’t build the pyramids in a day, so let’s make sure our day to day adds up to a life well spent). 

First rule (or guideline if you prefer) is to make it timeless.  Your vision should not be specific to your current position in life or phase of life.  Rich or poor, healthy or sick, a vision should be timeless.  Your vision should be something a 10 year could own or a 100 year old.  A millionaire or a poor person. 

Universally applicable:  Life is full of events, ups, downs, birthday parties, weddings, funerals, births, deaths, school, family, kids, financial plenty, financial hardship, relational bliss, relational hardship, etc. etc.  Make sure your vision is applicable in every situation.  It’s who you are and how you are and you need to be you in every situation. 

Simple:  Don’t use fancy words and terms.  Keep it simple so you can remember it, own it, share it. 

Specific & Personal:  This is for you and only you.  Sure you can share it, but that’s not where it starts.  This is for YOU.  Make it specific.  What are you passionate about?  What legacy do you want to leave behind?

Flexible/Adaptable:  Yes, I know I said it should be timeless and now I’m saying flex or adapt it.  That’s OK, sometimes things change.  Maybe you don’t agree with your original vision or it’s a different priority.  That’s OK.  Now, if you told all your friends/family/neighbors (see paragraph above) you might want to take this opportunity to explain it and why it changed, but that could be a good opportunity too, could really solidify it for you. 

Measureable/Impactful/Tangible/Real/Observable:  In a nutshell, you should be able to ask yourself the following question:  In the last day/wk/month/year how have I lived out my vision and made the impact I wanted to?  If your vision is simple, specific, etc. you should easily be able to answer that question.  If the answer is, “I haven’t done much” then I’d ask why not?!  This is your life, live it the way you want to. 

Remind yourself (if it’s not a habit already) daily, weekly, hourly.  One idea I have it to literally carve my vision in stone.  Maybe a waste of money and certainly hard to change, BUT if it helps me live it out more fully each day, how much is it worth?  Certainly more than the cost of carving it in stone. 

Work it out:  So, let’s say you have a great vision.  Now what?  Work it out!  Don’t put your vision in a frame on the wall and keep living life as it comes to you, but take life by the horns.  Direct your sails and rudder and steer your ship the way you want to!  (see below for example)

Complete:  This is a hard one, but does it leave anything out?  If so, work it out, maybe add some detail OR adapt it so that it is complete.  It might not be complete without the added detail, so ADD THE DETAIL so that it is. 

Here’s a draft of my vision: 

Give generously – of my time, money, skills, heart, abilities, passions.  Serve others.  Be mindful of the needs of others, not just your own needs (note, this is a balance because if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be of great use to anyone else, so give generously to yourself too). 

Trust completely in God’s promises:  See Bible for list of God’s promises.             

Live radically – don’t fit in, don’t worry about what people say or think.  They may not understand or share the same values/passions/thoughts you have.  That’s OK, many parts one body.  Don’t judge them for being different.  If they judge you, don’t let it change you. 

LET’S TEST IT…

Timeless?  Yes, I think so.

Universally applicable?  Certainly can be. 

Simple?  Just 3 points.  I think I can remember that. 

Flexible/Adaptable:  Time will tell. 

Measureable?  Can I answer the question?  Yes. 

Complete?  I think so, but not without the additional detail behind the three bullets. 

WORK IT OUT:  I was going to ask the questions and see how I’m doing well and where I can improve, but I’ll wait till we sit down for a meal or a bonfire.  Let’s talk about it then. 

Sincerely with love,

Ben

How does that make you feel?

Open Ended Questions.

I am so excited about this topic and the power we can unleash when we love one other by listening, caring and asking OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS.  If you hang out with me on a regular basis, you've probably heard me go on about this, it's my new kick.

It's not new to me and probably not to you either, but I needed a refresher.  I'm not an expert (far from it actually) and part of the reason I'm so psyched about it is because my tendency is to problem solve and bless others with my wise advice (that's sarcasm if you didn't recognize it).  I'm so pointed and leading in my questions so I can share my wisdom, I don't allow the time (it takes time) to not only ask the open ended question, but listen thoughtfully and ask a follow up question (why this is my new kick). 

So let's get into the topic...
  

An open-ended question is designed to encourage a full, meaningful answer using the subject's own knowledge and/or feelings. It is the opposite of a closed-ended question, which encourages a short or single-word answer. Open-ended questions also tend to be more objective and less leading than closed-ended questions.

Open-ended questions typically begin with words such as "How" and "What", or phrases such as "Tell me about...". Often they are not technically a question, but a statement which implicitly asks for a response.

·              Tell me about your relationship with your boss.

·              That's an interesting colored shirt you're wearing.

 

Perhaps the most famous (or infamous) open-ended question is "How does this make you feel?" or some variation thereof. This has become a cliché in both journalism and therapy. The reason it is so widely used is that it's so EFFECTIVE.

BUT anyone (including a small child) can tell if you really want or care about the answer to the question.  The formula is more complex than having a list of questions.  You have to want to know the answer and show that in your face, intonation, etc.  

Another type of question (not recommended unless you are a lawyer) is a "leading question".  Leading questions prompt the respondent to answer in a particular way.  Leading questions are generally undesirable as they result in false or slanted information. For example:

Do you get on well with your boss?		This question prompts the person to question their employment relationship. In a very subtle way it raises the prospect that maybe they don't get on with their boss.
Tell me about your relationship with your boss.		This question does not seek any judgment and there is less implication that there might be something wrong with the relationship.

The difference in the above example is minor but in some situations it can be more important. For example, in a court case:

How fast was the red car going when it smashed into the blue car?		This question implies that the red car was at fault, and the word "smashed" implies a high speed.
How fast was each car going when the accident happened?		This question does not assign any blame or pre-judgment.

So, why am I so excited about this not-new topic?  Because, if you can master this skill (easier said than done) and slow down enough, get off your agenda and on to someone else s it will make this world a better place.  This is UNIVERSALLY APPLICABLE in our relationships at home, at work, with friends, you name it.  By employing empathetic listening and asking open ended questions, you are showing you care (not just saying that you do).  

This is getting a little long but I have two more tangents for you before I let you go:  1) applications in sales and 2) additional reading.  

 We don't think of empathetic understanding listening in the business world, but from the sales perspective it is paramount.  Take a look at this list of questions:  

Information gathering

What prompted you/ your company to look into this?
What are your expectations/ requirements for this product/ service? – What are you hoping to see?
What process did you go through to determine your needs?
How do you see this happening?
What is it that you’d like to see accomplished?
With whom have you had success in the past?
With whom have you had difficulties in the past?
Can you help me understand that a little better?
What does that mean?
How does that process work now?
What challenges does that process create?
What challenges has that created in the past?
What are the best things about that process?
What other items should we discuss?

Qualifying

What do you see as the next action steps?
What is your timeline for implementing/ purchasing this type of service/ product?
What other data points should we know before moving forward?
What budget has been established for this?
What are your thoughts?
Who else is involved in this decision?
What could make this no longer a priority?
What’s changed since we last talked?
What concerns do you have?

Establishing rapport, trust & credibility

How did you get involved in…?
What kind of challenges are you facing?
What’s the most important priority to you with this? Why?
What other issues are important to you?
What would you like to see improved?
How do you measure that?

Interesting how important these questions can be in sales in the business world but also how key these questions are to all of our relationships (such as a parent asking a child what they think or feel about this or that).  

Lastly, I'm going to leave you with a very short article a friend of mine wrote.  Check it out if you have a few minutes (it's related).  Sorry, it's a .pdf and I don't know how to attach it.  If you want it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to ya. 

As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think!!!

Transformed? How to

5/5/12

I’m stealing this message from Pastor Robert Gelinas of Colorado Community Church in Denver.  I was visiting my brother in Denver and we attended his church.  Robert Gelinas is a gifted speaker/teacher.  His delivery is planned, thoughtful and effective.  Check it out for yourself:

http://robertgelinas.org/ (the message was 4/29/12)

So my take away from his message (what I still remember today, one week later, without notes since he’s such an effective teacher):

We studied Luke 9:28-29 which says “…He took Peter, John and James and went up on the mountain to pray.  As He prayed, the appearance of His face was altered and His robe became white and glistening.”  I won’t be able to relay the whole message as well as it was conveyed to me, but here’s what stuck:

Jesus didn’t go up the mountain to be transformed.  He went up the mountain to PRAY.  It was as he was praying that he was transformed.  THM (Take Home Message) #1:  PRAY.  Do it, just go and pray.  Praying is simply talking with God (not at God, but with God). 

His face was altered and His robe became white and glistening.  THM #2:  When you pray, don’t pray that God would transform someone else (your spouse, boss, etc.) but simply pray and He will transform YOU. 

If 2 THMs is enough for you, stop reading, but if you want one more…  How and when should we pray?  Two answers: 

1) it’s only 2 chapters later (in Luke 11) that Jesus teaches His disciples to pray at their request (no wonder they asked after seeing Jesus transformed, they wanted it too!).  “Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your Name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”  Try praying that and not being transformed! 

2) we should always be praying (talking with God) see 1 Thess 5:17 “pray without ceasing”

3) go to a quiet place alone to pray.  Jesus often did (See verses below) and instructs us to do the same (Matt 6:6 “when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray”)

Jesus specific:

Morning:  Mark 1:35 “rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place and there he prayed”

Evening:  Matt 14:23 “he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.  When evening came he was there alone”

Other quiet time verses:

James 4:8 “draw near to God and He will draw near to you”

Psalm 1:2 “but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his lay he meditates day and night”

Psalm 119:11 “I have stored up your word in my heart,  that I might not sin against you.”

Psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God”

The Examined Life

5/5/12

Well, I’m a little late, but better late than never.  So I promised myself I would blog once per month this year for two reasons: 1) to make sure I’m pausing, thinking, pondering, reflecting and being intentional in my life and 2) to keep searching and learning and sharing (just in case one might benefit from it).  So my one important message to you today is (if you haven’t already), STOP, PAUSE, REFLECT ON YOUR LIFE.  Where are you at?  Where are you going?  How are you going to get there?  Yesterday is gone and life is short.  Don’t let a day slip by without intentionally living the life you want to live. 

Reminds me of one of my favorite Switchfoot songs  “This is your life, are you who you want to be?”

Check it out on You Tube:  http://youtu.be/SWArhq3FUEY

Feel free to stop here.  My primary message has been delivered.  Read on if you’d like to hear one man examine his own life…

This is my snap shot examination of my life.  My life has been full of many journeys, ups, downs, etc. and I hope there are several chapters still to be written, but for this one moment in time…

I honestly think I’m in one of the happiest phases of my life.  Happily married to the love of my life.  Love my home, commute, job, friends, family, rhythm of life.  I want for nothing (as an aside, see the “funny story” below).  I’m in a pretty dang good spot.  Am I busy?  Yes.  Is everything so right I have nothing to ask God for? No, but the things I ask for are for God’s truth, reality and the gospel of Grace to fill people’s life so that their lives may be full of peace, joy, contentment, purpose, etc.  As long as we live in an imperfect world, I will always have requests for God’s help/intervention. 

So as I look at this snap shot of this very happy/content/peace-filled time of my life, I step back and say, “so now what?”  And for me, for now, I don’t have a huge master plan that I am building.  I’m not in school aiming for a degree.  My pace up the corporate ladder has greatly slowed which is fine.  I would like to have kids (which would greatly change the snap shot :)) and I would like to retire (also a very different phase) but for now, those things will come in their time.  So for now, day by day, what am I driving at?  What is my hustle applied to?  I think for now, for today, my charge to myself is “to do it more and do it better” and it for me is life. 

It = life.  Life for me is to love more, to be sensitive to the needs of others, listen, learn.  Life to me is to be my true self (to me and others) which is one especially loved by God (peace, joy, contentment, etc.).  I’d like to pray more.  I’d like to listen and learn more (from God, Bible, etc.). 

Self examination DONE.  Action plan (though somewhat vague) IN PLACE

And now for a “funny story”:  A few paragraphs above I said “I want for nothing” (which is true, I’m in a good place) but the funny part is my interpretation of Psalm 23 when I was a kid.  The verse says, “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” and as I kid, I thought this meant that even thought I didn’t want the Lord to be my shepherd, tough, He was gonna be my shepherd whether I wanted Him or not!  I thought the writer was be honest and saying, I don’t want the Lord to be my shepherd even though He’s God and if He wants to be my shepherd, there’s nothing I can do about it.  Yes, this is a little funny, but it also shows how easy it is to mis-interpret scripture and have it paint a very different picture of God, because frankly, my understanding as a child was far far from accurate.  Now, in my mature state, I understand this scripture to say, that “The Lord is my caretaker/shepherd and I will have everything that I need so I will not be in want” which applies if I live under the reality that God is God and I am a mere mortal.  He does indeed, take care of all my needs which is especially evident in today’s snap shot, but also true in the other, not so happy snap shots. 

Thanks for reading!!