So you're married. Maybe it's been hard. Maybe it's been easy. Probably a mix.
Whether you are in a good spot of a challenging spot, I have good news for you: You and your spouse have the power to win or lose in marriage. Sure stress and life situation (finances, moving, children, etc.) impact us and our marriages but we all know that an awesome partner in the dumps or in the joys of life can make all the difference. As Paul says in Phil 4:12, "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." So let us invest in a "15 Minute Marriage Check-up"...
Think back to dating/engagement. What were you most excited for? Why did you want to marry this person? What were your hopes & dreams? What were their hopes and dreams?
If you remember your hopes and dreams, but not theirs, why not? Do you know your partners hope and dreams today?
Talking about hopes and dreams, can be intimidating for the asker and the answerer. Yikes, that's a big deal, can I change my answers?!?!? In my marriage, we regularly connect on a much shorter time frame. It might be a free evening or a Saturday afternoon and I'll ask, "What are your hopes and dreams for today?" Try that for starters.
One last reminder before our 15 minutes is up: ACTIVE LISTENING (a review).
This can be hard, but after a little practice, it can be easy and very rewarding. Here's the key to active listening: you, your opinions, feelings, judgement, thoughts are NOT a part of active listening (they can come later after you are done listening). As Covey says, "Seek first to understand; then to be understood". Think of it like, watching a moving, putting yourself in their shoes and trying to understand how they feel. Here's a little practice: "Sharing Your Wish List". Independently write down 2-3 things you wish there were more of or less of in your marriage. Then take turns with the two roles below:
Speakers Role:
1) Share your wish. Start with "I wish..." Ex. I wish we'd go on at least one airplane vacation a year.
2) Share how it would make you feel if your wish came true. Ex. I'd feel refreshed and connected with you.
Listeners Role:
1) Repeat the wish you heard. "So what I hear you saying is..."
2) AND how this would make them feel. "And you would feel ____ if your wish came true"
Note: The practice of active listening can be applied discussing hopes and dreams or in the middle of a heated discussion. USE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!
OK, so if you've read this and it's nothing new and you've got an awesome marriage, GREAT!! Thank God. And thank you for reading. Please share this with someone else and spread the wealth; a co-worker, friend, parent, etc. Thank you.
