How does that make you feel?

Open Ended Questions.

I am so excited about this topic and the power we can unleash when we love one other by listening, caring and asking OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS.  If you hang out with me on a regular basis, you've probably heard me go on about this, it's my new kick.

It's not new to me and probably not to you either, but I needed a refresher.  I'm not an expert (far from it actually) and part of the reason I'm so psyched about it is because my tendency is to problem solve and bless others with my wise advice (that's sarcasm if you didn't recognize it).  I'm so pointed and leading in my questions so I can share my wisdom, I don't allow the time (it takes time) to not only ask the open ended question, but listen thoughtfully and ask a follow up question (why this is my new kick). 

So let's get into the topic...
  

An open-ended question is designed to encourage a full, meaningful answer using the subject's own knowledge and/or feelings. It is the opposite of a closed-ended question, which encourages a short or single-word answer. Open-ended questions also tend to be more objective and less leading than closed-ended questions.

Open-ended questions typically begin with words such as "How" and "What", or phrases such as "Tell me about...". Often they are not technically a question, but a statement which implicitly asks for a response.

·              Tell me about your relationship with your boss.

·              That's an interesting colored shirt you're wearing.

 

Perhaps the most famous (or infamous) open-ended question is "How does this make you feel?" or some variation thereof. This has become a cliché in both journalism and therapy. The reason it is so widely used is that it's so EFFECTIVE.

BUT anyone (including a small child) can tell if you really want or care about the answer to the question.  The formula is more complex than having a list of questions.  You have to want to know the answer and show that in your face, intonation, etc.  

Another type of question (not recommended unless you are a lawyer) is a "leading question".  Leading questions prompt the respondent to answer in a particular way.  Leading questions are generally undesirable as they result in false or slanted information. For example:

Do you get on well with your boss?		This question prompts the person to question their employment relationship. In a very subtle way it raises the prospect that maybe they don't get on with their boss.
Tell me about your relationship with your boss.		This question does not seek any judgment and there is less implication that there might be something wrong with the relationship.

The difference in the above example is minor but in some situations it can be more important. For example, in a court case:

How fast was the red car going when it smashed into the blue car?		This question implies that the red car was at fault, and the word "smashed" implies a high speed.
How fast was each car going when the accident happened?		This question does not assign any blame or pre-judgment.

So, why am I so excited about this not-new topic?  Because, if you can master this skill (easier said than done) and slow down enough, get off your agenda and on to someone else s it will make this world a better place.  This is UNIVERSALLY APPLICABLE in our relationships at home, at work, with friends, you name it.  By employing empathetic listening and asking open ended questions, you are showing you care (not just saying that you do).  

This is getting a little long but I have two more tangents for you before I let you go:  1) applications in sales and 2) additional reading.  

 We don't think of empathetic understanding listening in the business world, but from the sales perspective it is paramount.  Take a look at this list of questions:  

Information gathering

What prompted you/ your company to look into this?
What are your expectations/ requirements for this product/ service? – What are you hoping to see?
What process did you go through to determine your needs?
How do you see this happening?
What is it that you’d like to see accomplished?
With whom have you had success in the past?
With whom have you had difficulties in the past?
Can you help me understand that a little better?
What does that mean?
How does that process work now?
What challenges does that process create?
What challenges has that created in the past?
What are the best things about that process?
What other items should we discuss?

Qualifying

What do you see as the next action steps?
What is your timeline for implementing/ purchasing this type of service/ product?
What other data points should we know before moving forward?
What budget has been established for this?
What are your thoughts?
Who else is involved in this decision?
What could make this no longer a priority?
What’s changed since we last talked?
What concerns do you have?

Establishing rapport, trust & credibility

How did you get involved in…?
What kind of challenges are you facing?
What’s the most important priority to you with this? Why?
What other issues are important to you?
What would you like to see improved?
How do you measure that?

Interesting how important these questions can be in sales in the business world but also how key these questions are to all of our relationships (such as a parent asking a child what they think or feel about this or that).  

Lastly, I'm going to leave you with a very short article a friend of mine wrote.  Check it out if you have a few minutes (it's related).  Sorry, it's a .pdf and I don't know how to attach it.  If you want it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to ya. 

As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think!!!